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FACING THE CHALLENGES IN COURTSHIP Challenge is part of life and it comes up from time to time. It comes up at odd times when one does not expect and does not want to face them. Courting time is not a time anyone will want to experience challenges. Unfortunately every phase of life has got all kinds of challenges including courting period. Love is real but is always tested by the experience of life. In relationships, many unexpected come up from time to time, and if not handled well can end such a relationship. It is therefore important that we take a look at some of the challenges that people face during courtship and learn how to overcome them and end up victors and not victims. 1. Personal differences There are no two individuals that are alike in all things. Even though God shows you a vision of your partner, that doesn’t mean that there will be no differences in your lives. God brings people together because He knows that they will be able to cohabit together if they humble themselves and sincerely work on their lives. The personal differences that you are focusing on can be worked on to produce a rich and vibrant relationship. At the other hand, it is also important that you understand that if the differences are too much to the point that you have too much conflicts; it may be a sign that you are not meant for each other. God speaks in signs. Too much conflict can be a sign that it won’t work or a call to perfect your lives to make your relationship succeed. Prayerfully identify what God is saying. 2. Character problems Many people are not willing to work on their character and become better. They believe that if you love them, then you have to accept them the way they are without minding how their lifestyle hurts you. No matter how a man will love the sight of a bonfire, he will never scoop the fire into his lap. Relating with someone with an evil character is a major challenge. It is important that you access the situation and find out if you can continue and cope with your partner’s character or not. Relationship is all about character and a blend of personality. Effort should be made by all in a relationship to deal with the evil character that threatens their relationship in order for success to be attained. If you are faced with this challenge right now, get down to business and sincerely correct what needs to be corrected immediately. 3. Never keeps to time Relating with someone who never keeps appointment can be sickening. It disrupts programs and plans. To live a plan-less life is not the best. To wait endlessly for someone is not good at all. If you value your relationship, then you don’t need to keep your partner waiting when you have an appointment with him or her. This habit can make your partner to find it difficult to trust you when you speak and follow an agreed timetable and plan. If you are facing this challenge now in your relationship, I advice you to have a heart to heart talk with your partner on this issue. And express how it affects you and your relationship. Give time for change to be effected. 4. Anger and bitterness Anger is deadly to any and every relationship. Outbursts of anger have ruined many relationships. Malice and bitterness has done more harm in relationships than was intended. Every relationship needs the practice of forgiveness to survive the pressures of life and prosper. Relating with a man or woman that is given to anger is not the best decision. Anyone going through this challenge needs help. All must come to terms with the reality of the fact that anger is injurious to love and human health. Learn the steps to overcoming anger. Your pastor can be of great help to you in this matter. Get Christian books and tapes on this subject, and apply what you will learn to your life. Be serious about it if happiness is your goal. 5. Self-centeredness: selfishness, self willed and egocentricity Self is the first problem of man, and in fact the real problem. All problem rises from self – they have their roots in self. Therefore it is very important that all have self under control. We must all die to self to have a harmonious relationship with people. Self-consciousness and self centeredness creates a lot of frictions in relationship and blinds the eyes from the needs and feelings of the one you are in relationship with. Self-willed people are difficult to live with. They always insist on their own way even when it is obvious they are wrong. It doesn’t pay to be egocentric. Die to self and be considerate. Look out for the interest of others and by so doing you will conquer self and have a sweet and harmonious relationship. 6. Strong desire to sleep together. One of the major problems that face people in courtship is the strong desire to sleep with each other in the name of love. It is important that you remind yourself always that you are not yet married and that sex is only approved by God for married people within marriage. Reasons for this temptation are: a. An immoral past – was sexually active before conversion. b. Unrenewed mind as far as sex and relationship within the Christian context is concerned. c. Preoccupation with physical anatomy of your partner. d. Changing clothes in each other’s presence. e. Seeing each other too often. f. Holding, fondling, kissing and caressing each other when you meet which stirs strong emotions for sex, especially in places where sex can happen. g. Watching movies with lovemaking scenes together. h. Fantasizing about your future love and sex life in marriage. i. Belief that sex before marriage is not evil as long as both of you are getting married to each other. If both of you, starting with you, can have a change of mind about this issue, I am sure the temptations will be greatly reduced or completely eliminated. Make it a rule not to undress or change clothes in each other’s presence, see each other sparingly, and decide: no more kissing, fondling and dirty plays and fantasizing about your future love and sex life together. Be careful about the discussions you have and the movies you watch together. Spend a good portion of your time together in study of God’s word and in prayer. Finally, decide never to have sex before marriage it can bring a curse on your intended marriage.  if you will allow Him, He will change you and make you a better person. It is impossible for you to say you love someone and yet you keep doing what offends and hurts the person. If you were the one, how will you feel? It is important that you be patient with your partner for change to be effected. Change sometime takes a little longer than we want it to take. Once your partner shows signs of wanting or working towards change, give him or her time. Pray for your partner for all of us need God’s grace and help to overcome our evil habits and character. 7. Refusal to let go of an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend It is impossible for a man or woman to be hundred percent faithful to two lovers. It is always one lover at a time. If you are serious about your present relationship, then you must let go your ex. It is important that you do this to enable you focus on building trust and a formidable relationship. Always making reference to the good times you had with an ex or comparing your present partner with an ex is injurious to your present relationship and an insult to your partner. In fact it is unethical. It should not happen again in your life. I understand that the love you have for the person may be so much that though separated, you still have feelings for him or her, never the less, you must get rid of that feeling or you will find yourself alone without anyone. If your partner is the one refusing to let go an ex, call him or her to order by discussing the issue in a loving and mature way. Make your feelings known. If that does not help, get help for him. Your pastor may be in better position to assist in this kind of issue so that the healing can be thorough. 8. Showing signs of infidelity – flirting One of the reasons why marriages break up is unfaithfulness on the part of one of the couples, and in some cases, both partners are involved. Unfaithfulness or flirting starts manifesting during courtship time. It is at this time this monster needs to be addressed and destroyed or it will destroy your future marriage and mar your dreams of a life together till death parts you. Every one appreciates and admires beauty whether in humans, animals, plants, nature or inventions of man. It is so easy to drift from admiration to lust. Not many can draw a line between the two. It is important that you as a child of God in relationship learn how to focus on one person and discipline yourself to turn your attention from all others. If you are such a person who loves beauty, you have to decide to stick to one person because you will always find people who are more beautiful or handsome than your partner as you get along in life. God wants us to live a disciplined life. Start now and mature in it before you get married. If you cannot tame yourself now, it will be difficult for you to tame yourself in future. Marrying someone who is showing serious signs of flirting is an invitation to pain and agony. Make effort to correct it now before you say, “Yes, I do”. Talk things over. Get help. 9. Refusal to drop evil habits and character Refusal to drop an evil character is injurious to relationships. Willingness to change is encouraging, but refusal to change is big trouble especially when the character being manifested is very offensive and becoming unbearable. Every man should make effort to become better by the day. Jesus came to bring change to our lives and make us like Him in character and lifestyle,